Right now it is 1:12 am and I'm not sleeping. Usually i'm asleep for a couple of hours by now but today is a little different. Anyways, I was home this whole past week for my cousin's funeral and just to be home in general. My Aunt came to the U.S. from Thailand and this is the first time she's been here in over 17 years. It's pretty crazy because she never intended to come back but shit happens.

Tuesday was the funeral and it was quite a day. It sucks that you finally get to see people you haven't seen in so long but under such crappy situations. It was definitely good to see relatives I haven't seen, especially Pa Monica, my German aunt and her son Tommy, who now has 3 kids that are 8, 6, and 3. They are adorable and its so great to have been able to see them.

As for the funeral itself, we held it at Hollywood Forever Cemetary and the procession was quite nice. I felt it was fitting. I felt somewhat prepared for the funeral since I haven't seen my cousin in a while and wasn't too close to him I didn't feel that I would break down or anything. But, I didn't realize how vulnerable I was to my Aunt's reactions and emotions. Once they rolled out the casket my aunt was crying so hard and throughout the funeral it just got worse. At the end, when we all went to the cremation room to put the casket into the oven-like contraption I couldn't hold it back. My aunt was calling for her son and screaming for him to come to her. I just couldnt deal with it. I felt so bad for her and couldn't help but cry. Just imagine its your own flesh and blood that is now gone. I dont thinkn I've ever really thought about this stuff before and now that's all I can think of. I just pray that its not any time soon that I have to go to another funeral, especially if it is someone I know better. I guess there's no pain like a mother's pain and man did I feel it.

Sorry to end on a sad note but it is how I feel.